Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
