Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
