sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
