just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
