now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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