pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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