Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
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I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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