no, he came in my armpit
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
