my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
you never un-have a 4some
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