literally had 100 drinks last night.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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