may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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