Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
