So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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