i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
