I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
