So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
