I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
