tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
