Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
