My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
