we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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