dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize