I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
