No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
