So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
