this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
