I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
