dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
