i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
