Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
whose parrot is this?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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