I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
