I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
