My sheets look like a crime scene.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
