ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
