I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
