similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
