i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
