Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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