I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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