I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
