eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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