No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
