SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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