And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
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The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
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I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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