Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
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It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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