Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
