you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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