I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
