I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
