Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
no. you can't hotbox the world.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
