goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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