This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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