Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
