I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
