do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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