she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Randomize
