apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
