He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
