i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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