i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
