Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
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I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
FUCK WHALES
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize