i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
