so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
