dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
