Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
