Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Drunk is a universal language darling
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