Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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