there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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