bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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