i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
