Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
