My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
