Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
