i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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