the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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