let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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