He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
