Rock
Scissors
Fuck
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
