apparently the secret to your success is patron
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
