dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Holy shit dude........stairs
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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